


Hold me when I'm home, keep the evenings long

by orphan_account



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Frottage, Insecurity, M/M, Pride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He sat on the opposite end of the couch leaning on the arm rest. He got this way, too. Not confident enough to lean on Callum, to touch him first.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	Hold me when I'm home, keep the evenings long

**Author's Note:**

> Song title from Dermot Kennedy's "An Evening I Will Not Forget."
> 
> I miss our boys so I wrote a little something. Comments and critiques are welcome. Enjoy!

It was one of those days. Ben had just returned from Phil’s house, or from seeing Phil, or had talked to Phil on the phone earlier. He only got this way when his father was involved. Insecure and waiting for Callum to see that he wasn’t good enough (but begging him to continue believing that he was).

Ben had walked in while Callum was watching videos of people celebrating Pride from their homes. He was just thinking about how he wouldn’t be able to attend his first Pride parade as a gay man, but he would celebrate it with his boyfriend. _His boyfriend._ And then Ben had walked in, and Callum felt the urge to hug him, thank him, kiss him. But when he looked at Ben, he could see the scowl on his face, even as his body relaxed.

“Happy Pride,” Callum had said by way of greeting, gesturing at his phone. The video playing was of two woman dressed in shades of pink, dancing and kissing.

“And to think this time last year, you thought you’d be married by now. To Whitney.”

Callum watched as Ben washed his hands, and went for the fridge, grabbing two beers. He sat on the opposite end of the couch leaning on the arm rest. He got this way, too. Not confident enough to lean on Callum, to touch him first.

“This time last year,” Callum said, sliding towards Ben and putting his arm around him, allowing Ben to put his head on his chest. He waited for Ben to look at him. “This time last year, I was closeted, scared. I hated my life, Ben. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be happy. I was dancing with my fiancée and I couldn’t stop crying.”

Ben shifted his head, getting closer to Callum. “But, now,” Callum continued, “I’m with my boyfriend, who I love. Who I’m in love with. And you did that for me. You gave me that.”

“I didn’t do anything. You did all the hard work,” Ben replied, but he looked softer, calmer.

“You kissed me, remember? I—"

“I think you kissed me first,” Ben interrupted, smiling up at Callum.

“No, _you_ kissed _me_ , Ben,” Callum said, emphasizing the words, “and that night, I remember feeling like I had all the answers. You did that. That’s why I’m here, now.” He stroked Ben’s hair, smiling down at him.

“Out and proud,” Ben said.

“Out and proud,” Callum repeated.

“And sexy. Don’t forget sexy,” Ben added, making him laugh.

Ben placed his head on Callum’s stomach, looking forward. He sighed. Callum waited.

“I wish I could be more for you sometimes,” Ben started. Callum wanted to interrupt him right way. Tell him that he was more than enough, but he had to wait for Ben to finish. “Sometimes, I remember the things I’ve done, the things I might do in the future, and I don’t think I deserve to come home to you like this.”

“Ben,” Callum whispered, shaking him until he was looking up at him. Ben hesitated for a second before facing Callum. He looked anywhere but his lips. Callum stroked Ben’s temple with his thumb, waiting for Ben to look, to see what he had to say. “How many times do I have to tell you, you’re amazing. I don’t need you to be perfect. I just want you to be the best you can be, and to be better every day,” Callum said carefully. “I love you, Ben,” He finished, signing it with one hand.

At that, Ben turned away again.

Callum continued to stroke Ben’s hair with one hand while tracing the words _I love you_ on Ben’s thigh over and over again. He wanted Ben to know, wished Ben could crawl into his skin, see Callum’s thoughts, feel Callum’s emotions, just so he understood how loved he was. He lost track of how times he’d written the words until he thought that Ben had fallen asleep. He was ready to doze off himself, settling in, placing his chin on top of Ben’s head, but then Ben moved off of Callum’s chest and met his eyes.

“I love you,” he said, looking scared. Of what, Callum didn’t know. He hoped there would be a time when Ben would say those words without hesitation and without that familiar look of fear in his eyes. 

Before Callum could say it back (he’d say it back every time), Ben kissed him, and it felt like he was begging for something.

Callum kissed him back, trying to give Ben everything he was asking for and more. He shifted Ben onto his back and laid them down, licking into Ben’s mouth and tugging at his hair the way he knew he liked. Ben was moaning softly into his mouth, and Callum shifted his leg between Ben’s, giving him something to rut against.

Callum wished he could keep them in this moment. Where Ben didn’t have any doubts, where his face was smooth with bliss, where his moans were loud and where he shouted Callum’s name like he was the only man he’d want this with. He wanted this peace within the frenzy to last forever, but of course it couldn’t.

Ben rutted up one last time against Callum’s leg before freezing, eyes closed tight. Callum kissed him through it, his eyes, lips, neck, until he heard Ben sigh.

“I can’t believe that just happened. You’d think I was the inexperienced one here.”

“Shut up,” Callum replied, smiling down at Ben, then kissing his neck before settling on top of Ben.

“Hey, what about y—” but Callum was shaking his head, not allowing Ben to finish his sentence. He was hard, of course, but he was comfortable lying on top of Ben.

He kept his arms tight around him.

Maybe Ben would never understand how much Callum loved him and how much he deserved that love. But Callum knew.

He’d show him as best as he could for as long as he could. So he held on tight to Ben, until their breaths steadied and matched, until he couldn’t tell whose heart beat was whose.

“This time next year,” Callum whispered to Ben’s neck, against his slow beating pulse, “I’ll be holding you like this. And we’ll be dancing.

“You’ll see.”


End file.
